Ok, this year is only 3 days old but I’m already seeing some of 2013’s trash popping up here and there. Thankfully “twerking” (the Miley version) seems to have died out during 2013’s final moments, but some other trends die hard. I’ve made a list of the things I hate the most, in hopes that you feel the same way and together we can send our energy into the universe to stop the evil of last year. New year, new fuckery. Can we please stop recycling the following?

Mean memes and Instagram posts

I always feel so bad for those unfortunate folks whose photos have been taken and used for humorous purposes. I love a good laugh but I’m not one to laugh at anyone’s physical appearance or disabilities. Who cares if the lady on the bus is wearing 2 different shoes? Why are you snapping photos of people just to make fun of them? Why laugh at a person who looks different? This is why I hate human beings.

2014 replacement: Funny memes sans the expense of innocent weirdos.

Inspiring memes

“Sometimes you have to stay close if you want to go far.” Oh shut the hell up! Stop with the carefree stock photo and contradicting proverbs.

2014 Replacement: Inspiring real-life actions.

Fraudulent memes

Now that Uncle Phil has gone to glory, please stop using his photo for things he never said. Olivia was never so sassy and Cliff Huxtable never said anything about bitches and hoes. Marilyn Monroe probably never said that favorite quote of yours and Albert Einstein has nothing to do with your friendship woes.

2014 Replacement: There is none. Just be done with it.

Religious or emotional Facebook posts

“LIKE if you love Jesus, scroll if you want to go to hell.” Girl what? And stop telling me that if I don’t cry or smile in the first 5 seconds of a video that I have no soul.

2014 Replacement: Religious and emotional Twitter posts

Ratchet Twitter

I don’t know who is taking or co-signing the ratchet photos in the Twitterverse but it has got to stop. Thanks to the new Twitter update, I am now bombarded with the vilest, most disturbing, and perplexing images posted by ratchet enthusiasts. Stop it!

2014 Replacement: Ratchet vine; it’s funnier.

Real Housewives/Girlfriends/Baby-Mamas/Side-Chicks/Gold-Diggers of anyplace

If I see one more show about women who simply hooked up with a famous guy, I am giving up on television all together. I mean…I probably won’t really do that but I’ll definitely think about it.

2014 Replacement: Real man-piece of anyplace. Let the guys be exploited for once.

Reality Show Couples/Friends

I’m pretty sure 90% of reality show couples break up after their second season. Reality TV has just gotten so boring. It’s overdone. I don’t care to watch a crumbling couple put on for cameras. I also don’t care to see a group of successful people pretend to be best friends for a few months just to make a hit show. It also bothers me that none of these people use phones to handle their so-called drama; everything is dealt with at a dinner where nothing but wine glasses of water is served.

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“Shade” and other misappropriated gay lingo

YASSS hunty! I’m so over this.

2014 Replacement:  Misappropriated black lingo. I trust Miley and Bieber will get the job done.

Terio and other social media children

Terio needs to go to school and get on a healthy diet. There’s no reason a child should be popping bottles in a club afterhours with rappers and models. Stop using these poor innocent little kids for your amusement.

Poor thing. This kid is now known as “Terio lookalike”

2014 Replacement: Old people on social media. I’m just waiting for a wild and wigless grandmama to lose her shit in a viral video.

Unsolicited Facebook friend advice

The overactive Facebook friend loves to inform and enlighten us with misspelled speeches and inspiring memes. Is it just me or do these posters lace their “humble” advice with bitterness and conceit? Example: “Some of you need to [insert shit they don’t even do]” or “I only surround myself with [insert trait irrelevant to this person] people.”

2014 Replacement:  Facebook friends who don’t do this.

Macklemore

Because, I’m tired.

2014 Replacement: Kendrick Lamar, Jay Z or any real talented rapper actually winning awards over Macklemore.

Kimye

Because, I’m sick and tired.

2014 Replacement: Jayonce! Now that Queen Beyonce is back on the scene hotter than ever, we’ll be seeing a lot more of music’s royal couple I’m sure.

Lists like this one

I have a love/hate relationship with listy articles, I really do. It was wonderful at first but then it got excessive. We live in a microwave era where everything is quick and on-the-go, so of course condensed lists of funny and interesting bits beat a lengthy 4-page article any day. But I am so over lists of how to be happy, rich, famous, a unicorn, whatever. And these lists are almost always written by people who don’t even really have the answers. YOU AIN’T GOT THE ANSWERS SWAY!

2014 Replacement: Unnumbered lists. Look, I’m starting a new trend 😉