How to Trust Yourself and Make Tough Decisions

Every morning, we awake to a series of choices: What’s for breakfast? What should I wear? Should I drive or take the train?  No matter what option you choose, the need is still satisfied. You are fed, clothed and you’ll eventually end up at your destination no matter how you get there. But sometimes decisions don’t come so easy. Sometimes it’s not a matter of preference or mood. There are moments in our lives that call for serious attention and judgement: Should I switch careers? Should I live with my significant other? Should I get married? Should I move out of state? Which state? Which city? Should I buy that house? Tough decisions are endless.

I hate being faced with tough decisions because of my severe anxiety. I am an over-explainer and I need to rationalize everything — both to myself and (unfortunately) to the world. The “who, what, where, and whys” need to be clearly defined. I need to see a clear divide between right and wrong — good decision vs bad decision. When I’m faced with two or more choices that are neither right or wrong, I get confused. I don’t know what to do. What’s worse is my inability to make a precise decision paralyzes me and I end up wasting so much time stressing over outcomes I have no insight on. I stress over future events that may never happen.

Obviously, making no decision is no better than making a wrong decision. However, I find myself predicting my future life based on the choices of a tough decision. If I do option A, I will probably make more money but resent the fact that I don’t actually enjoy this path. If I do option B, I will probably find more opportunities for my passion but resent embarking on such a financially risky path. Each choice has a value and a cost.  How can a person truly pick a good choice when there are pros and cons to every option? I started doing a little research and I struck gold when I discovered a TED Talk featuring philosopher Ruth Chang. According to Ruth, choosing between “right” and “wrong” is just a matter of semantics. When it comes to tough decisions, no choice is universally a good or bad one.
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So if no choice is right or wrong, does it even matter what we choose? Yes and no. No matter what you choose, you are always giving up an alternative. Depending on your outlook on life, you may or may not regret not exploring the other choice.  Personally, I never like to look back; especially because I’ve made plenty decisions in my life and I wouldn’t say I’m exponentially better off or worse off than before based on just one decision– life just continued to be great, confusing, exciting, scary, pleasant, unpleasant. In other words, life just went on. It’s only after a series of made choices that I discovered significant change in my life.  What makes a choice matter is what you stand for. Ruth gave me the ultimate “ah-ha” moment when she mentioned claiming agency behind a decision. What is it that you stand for? What life do you want to lead? What is your happiness defined? Ruth said to be wary of becoming a drifter when it comes to decision making. She spoke of her own experience in which she drifted into becoming a lawyer before actually acknowledging her true passion of philosophy. “Drifters allow the world to write the story of their lives. They let mechanisms of reward and punishment, pats on the head, fear, the easiness of an option, to determine what they do.”

So does this new insight make decision making super easy now? Of course not! Tough decisions will remain tough, but your ultimate decision will now become more clear. When we are honest with ourselves and about our true intentions — no matter what the world, our friends, and family thinks or expects — we make our choices from within. And from that comes trust and confidence in your decisions. One reassuring fact that I constantly remind myself is that life goes on and we have a lifetime to fix our mistakes (or at least learn to make peace with them).
Watch Ruth Chang’s TED Talk below: