This post is inspired by one of my best friends, Candace, who gave me a well-deserved kick in the ass with tough-love motivation. I get inside my head so much sometimes that I actually drive myself crazy. I find worry in the strangest and most ridiculous places in my life. When I get worried or anxious, I then begin to lose authority over my soul. I let the thoughts, opinions and words of other people overwhelm my own. What happens next is dreaded bouts of depression and self-doubt. A realization is that if a single thought of self-doubt has the power to crush dreams, stop movement and kill hope, how much more powerful would a positive thought be?

As Candace and I had our 3+ hour long convo, I confided in her about some of the issues I am currently dealing with emotionally. Just as a friend should, Candace did not coddle me with empty words of encouragement, she simply dropped some truth on me and told me to separate my thoughts. At first I did not understand, but as she kept explaining, I got the point. We are naturally going to have ugly, annoying, all-around bad thoughts. We’re human.  But it’s where we place those thoughts and how we deal with them that makes a strong difference in our lives.

This is my breakdown of Candace’s advice.

Step 1: Think of your mind as car.

You don’t need to know the actual anatomy of a car (I don’t) but we all know the basic structure: engine, steering wheel, front seats, back seat, trunk.  Not every thought deserves shotgun. Learn to separate what is helpful and what is not.  When has a negative thought ever been helpful?  Never allow self-doubt and worry into the engine space; we lead with the engine. Never lead with a bad thought. Claim those positive and inner strength beliefs and drive forward with it. Put the fear in the trunk. Though fear, self-doubt and worry aren’t helpful in making moves, they are areas of yourself that you need to tend to with caution. Figure out what it is that makes you feel that way and conquer it, but don’t you dare make those awful thoughts guide you.  It’s not priority.

Step 2: Now that your car is moving, don’t stop for bullshit.

Even during times of adversity, if you stop to recognize and accept it, you’ll go nowhere fast. For instance, I am an African-American young woman who does not fit the media’s ideal beauty and body standards trying to make her way in the art and media world. Physically, I am not “ideal” or “good enough” according to society but if I let that get to me, I won’t prosper. Last year I got the pleasure to interview black filmmaker, Kisha Cameron. She told me something that I’ll never forget, “Of course there are challenges being a person of color in a lot of industries but I found myself, especially recently. I can’t really focus on it, which is why I can’t answer your question because it magnifies it when you say you have to deal with this and that [because of race]; it preoccupies you. It can distract you from what you have to get done.”

Step 3: Follow your own truthful road map.

In my industry, it can seem that others are more focused on you than on themselves. Every meetup feels like 21 Questions and all your answers aren’t ever good enough. To anyone else out there who is on their grind right now, please know that the people who like to judge or criticize your current circumstance have either been where you are today (but done “forgot”), are trying to deflect from their own personal issues, or are threatened by your hustle — sometimes it’s all three. Think about it, what other reason would someone focus so much negative or judgmental energy on someone else if it’s not to make themselves feel better about their own shitty situation?

The phrase is overused but DO YOU. Find what it is that is authentic to you and own it. When you own your truth, can’t nobody use it against you! Get out of the rat race and set your own timeline and deadline. Don’t let the thoughts of others, whether they be positive or negative, have more effect than your own thoughts. Use the thoughts that will lead you to victory not misery.

Step 4: Enjoy the ride.

In today’s society, we are brainwashed to believe that we are meant to travel the same road to success or happiness.  We are all different individuals for a reason. Life is full of disappointments and triumphs. Each painful and pleasurable moment are just imprints left on our wonderful design. It may not always be a smooth one but just enjoy the ride.

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Special thanks to Candace for her words of wisdom. Note, we are all on this planet clueless about the future and what’s the actual”the right way.” The only thing we can depend on is our truth. I am a work in progress and so are you. I hope this post inspired you as it did me.

Also Read:

Is Happiness Easy?

10 Meditation Methods to Help Get You Through The Day

A Realization About Time

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