How to Hide Your Awkwardness in Social Situations

Day 18 of 31

Smile

Look normal. Look friendly.

Acknowledge someone nearby.

This is a bold move for someone like you. But you’re here to network and/or socialize. Let’s do this!

Let the other person ask a question first, then ask them the same question.

Follow up on their answer with another question.

Example:

YOU: Yes, I’m enjoying this event so far. What about you?

THEM: Same! I’m having fun!

YOU: Wonderful! Is this your first time here?

THEM: No, [blah blah blah about their life. SO MUCH MATERIAL TO WORK WITH]

YOU: [Keep asking questions until they go away. ]

The point is to manipulate the situation so that they don’t discover your awkwardness. Imagine if they asked you about your weekend plans! Your joke about having a threesome with Netflix and pizza won’t come off as funny. You’ll sound sad (and creepy) AF because you’ll forget to say it in a jokey tone. Well…maybe because you ain’t joking. 🙁

Find a seat!

You know you can’t stand like a normal person. What will you do with your hands?! You know damn well ain’t nobody texting you. Plus, faux-texting makes you look like an asshole who thinks they are too good to mingle with the people in the room.

Find a seat that is secluded to protect you from cool and collected extraverts, but still kind of approachable to actually meet people.

Join a group conversation, but don’t commit to the group.
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Be adjacent enough to chime in that witty one liner you’ve been working on. But also, be far enough just in case they aren’t friendly and ask the dreaded question, “I’m sorry. Can I help you?” 🙁

Find a semi-familiar face

There’s always someone at least vaguely familiar in the room. You can’t hold in your awkwardness for too long. Unleash your weird quirks onto someone who already (sorta)  knows you. Once you’ve gotten enough awkward out of your system, return to the party scene.

DRINK

Why wasn’t this number one? Anyway, grab a glass of wine to calm your nerves. You seem a bit cooler after a few sips.. Don’t get tipsy, just get *~cooler~*. Also, maintain a good level of liquid in your glass. A drink is a great prop and makes you look like you’re participating.

Find another awkward person

Yeah, that person standing in the corner fake texting. Say hi and revel in each other’s awkwardness. From here, you can end your night. Both of you are dreading this interaction yet are happy to have found a kindred spirit. They won’t mind if you leave now, so just say goodbye.

Your new awkward party pal is leaving too, and you meet each other at the door. OMG you have to say goodbye….AGAIN.

You both walk out the door and say goodbye for the third time before walking in opposite directions.

You contemplate turning back around to walk in the right direction, but then that would mean interacting with that awkward person…AGAIN.

You circle the block just to see you know who….this awkward MF. >:(

THEY WENT THE WRONG WAY TOO!

SAY GOODBYE FOR A FOURTH TIME!!!

Go home and feel proud that you went out tonight.