Diaries: Slow and Steady, Taking My Time

I get overwhelmed sometimes. There is so much pressure to be everything all at once. Every morning I wake up, I find myself in panic mode: must be successful, must make money (must make A LOT of money), must lose weight, must look hot, must be respected, must be recognized, must complete every goal right now. Maybe it’s New York. Maybe it’s the quarter-life crisis. Maybe I’ve fallen victim to the perfect filtered world of social media. Whatever it is, it has made me realize that I am wasting time rather than running out of it. I’ve always felt like I was  running out of time. For so long, I’ve felt as if  I never have enough hours to be the superwoman I strive to become. However, this realization now makes me think that I’m wasting time on irrational worries.

This is somewhat of an open diary about my decision to take one step at a time. I admit my ambition can be counterproductive at times. I spend so much time obsessing over the details and the desired perfection that I sometimes stunt my own growth. Thankfully, my self-awareness catches my shortcomings. I decide to make each moment worthwhile. I ask myself, “why are you so obsessed with the ending if you don’t even know the story yet?” We’re humans and we love a good story, which is why we constantly hog the pen from God. The future is a beautiful fantasy and I keep dreaming about it. I decide to wake up and turn the present into something special. I decide to live in this moment.

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The “baby steps” mantra has been heard around the world, but it’s incredibly hard to accept that slow progress can lead to victory. I think there are many reasons behind the frustration. For one, our idols of success seem to have soared into major prosperity in just a matter of a few years. (Note: “A few years” counting from the time we learned of their existence  — discrediting the years before they were buzz worthy.) It’s also nearly impossible to measure growth on a daily basis, especially when it’s a slow one. Long grueling days at the gym end with me looking in the mirror and still seeing this round tummy.  But then I remember the times I have lost weight without ever noticing until I was at the size I was happy with. It’s hard to stay motivated but perseverance will always bring in the results.

This post is a reminder to myself and hopefully to you too. Every little bit really does count. I can look back and remember the times that I only dreamed of writing for Huffington Post, Complex Magazine, and even run a blog (that people actually read). I am so grateful for the support and my opportunities and I know that it’s all because of the hard work, the small steps and the small chances. Every time I played a background position, I was getting closer to my light. Every time my work went unnoticed, I discovered ways to amplify my craft. Of course with each level we advance to, we get hungry for something bigger and better. Worrying about the next best thing only halts our movement. When we stop and gaze into the unknown future, we are missing the beautiful things happening right now.  Besides my career goals, I have a few aspirations for my personal life. Stressing over my hopes and dreams, won’t help me expand my circle of friends, it won’t introduce me to a great guy, and it damn sure won’t make me money. I decide to take each day and make the most out of it by taking baby steps in every aspect. No more spending the entire day on this laptop. I refuse to spend endless hours at the gym. I decide to enjoy something new and something familiar. I want to participate in the world outside of my imagination. I want to shut down, unplug, meditate and truly connect. There are 24 hours in a day and we’re asleep at least 5 hours out of it. Let’s do as much as we can today and if we can’t do it all, there’s tomorrow. And if we don’t get tomorrow, let’s make today good enough.